Santa Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"This year you should ask Santa for something other than a look at his tits."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'Yes, all at once!'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

Santa Elevator

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

I brake for Jetliners.

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

Slay Ride.

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.

"What do you think of the new offering buckets Preacher?"

"Hi there! - Would you mind if I come in and talk about the Devil..?"

'First of all, thank you for enrolling in our rewards program.'

'Pig flu??!'

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

Santa pees his name in rooftop snow.

'There! The sun is done.....I think I'll call it a day.'

Bottom Of The Barrel Holiday Releases

"Son, why don't you switch to my shampoo and conditioner?"

'I hope you're satisfied! -- My friend's halo just exploded!'

'What is clausophobia?' - 'Fear of Father Christmas.'

Saint Peter using a security screening.

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."