Santa Satire Admirer Gifts

Slay Ride.

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Elevator

"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

I brake for Jetliners.

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

Santa: 'Of course I'm a vampire! How else could I have lived for 300 years?'

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

'Santa is real, but I can't decide if he is the New Black or 50 Shades of Grey!'

'Pig flu??!'

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

'We can prove there is an indiscriminate use of your image and that you are entitled to proper compensation.'

Bottom Of The Barrel Holiday Releases

'Don't you dare.'

"Could you forward it to my offshore account?"

Saint Peter using a security screening.

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."

Spama Claus.

'You weren't always faithful so some of your prayers went to God's spam.'

'Even if you were always Mother's little angel, I still have to look it up.'

'Hey, baby-pucker up!...Come over here and give Santa a big ol'smoocheroo!'

Remove Belt & Shoes

"Taking all year to make your stock and then giving it all away is a terrible business model. You're fired!"