Santa Satirists Pillows

Don't fly and text.

Santa Elevator

'Hey, baby-pucker up!...Come over here and give Santa a big ol'smoocheroo!'

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Drive-thru Church

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'Even More Disciples'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

Out for lunch... GOD

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'