Saintly Satire Fan Gifts

'Even if you were always Mother's little angel, I still have to look it up.'

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

Remove Belt & Shoes

A surprise in heaven

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"Hallelujah!"

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Moral Outrage.

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'

"Can we discuss this?"

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

God changes His will.

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"Dude....I just came back from the dead! I need a coffee, not a bloody chocolate egg!"

"It's an extremely hazardous occupation - nearly every pope for the last 600 years has died on the job."

Pope's blessing.

"Eve had a good sense of humor. She took a lot of ribbing on the job."

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

Basic Theology

Reading the Bible.