Saintly Satire Enjoyers Gifts

"Hold on, I have to buzz you in."

'Yes, all at once!'

Drive-thru Church

St. Elmo's fired.

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Holy water cooler moments

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

Slay Ride.

'That's St Joseph. He's the patron saint of baby aspirin.'

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

'Pig flu??!'

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

The Lord giveth. The Lord taketh away. Joe giveth back.

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

'There! The sun is done.....I think I'll call it a day.'

"When I found out I couldn't take it with me, I left it all to charity."

"You've been randomly selected for additional screening."

"Son, why don't you switch to my shampoo and conditioner?"

'Don't you dare.'

'I hope you're satisfied! -- My friend's halo just exploded!'

How To Saint . . .

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

'Twelve More Disciples'

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."

Saint Peter using a security screening.

"I see you're of good character."

'Even if you were always Mother's little angel, I still have to look it up.'