Saint Of Satire Pillows

"You're an oaf but we do need more funny people."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Christian and Born again Christian...

Drive-thru Church

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Elevator

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

Valuation of Heaven

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

Don't fly and text.

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

Saint Gustaf, patron of pranksters and practical jokers. Martyred by angry mob in 725.

Slay Ride.

'Just sayin' it was a lot more relaxing around here before they invented ‘the Cloud.''

'When is break time around here?'

"I was comped."

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

''Halliburton'? Wait a minute! -- I meant for the MEEK to inherit the Earth!'

Monk using a crucifix for a hammer.

"A million prayers a day with not a single self-addressed stamped envelope. And they wonder why there's never an answer."

"Any pre-existing conditions?"