Saint Of Satire Pillows

"You're an oaf but we do need more funny people."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Christian and Born again Christian...

Drive-thru Church

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

Santa Elevator

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Divinity School - Authorized Parsons Only

Valuation of Heaven

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

Slay Ride.

Saint Gustaf, patron of pranksters and practical jokers. Martyred by angry mob in 725.

'Just sayin' it was a lot more relaxing around here before they invented ‘the Cloud.''

"I was comped."

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

'Pig flu??!'

Monk using a crucifix for a hammer.

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

"Fantastic service, lousy food."