Satirical Food Lovers Gifts

Boss, the customers are demanding to know why the muffins taste like ground cardboard. There was a sale on week-old organic oat bran and cardboard muffins. Should I tell them that? Depends. Are the men wearing lumberjack beards and hipster glasses? And are the women wearing Salvation Army clothes and hipster glasses? Yes. Tell them.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Better Not Squash.

Cooking with Pierre

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

Beef Stew.

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

"Say hello to my little friend!"

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Waitrose Vegan Burgers

'Do you do the squished up little balls that taste of fish - or are you the wrong ethnicity?'

'And the winner for best supporting animal in a frozen ready meal goes to...'

"It's not my fault he keeps forgetting to bring food to the potlucks."

"The Normans are coming and I can't decide on whether to pour a simple consomme on them, or a more complex bisque."

'Of course, the peas are fresh. I personally opened the can myself.'

'Why do they let us see things like that?'

The sea salt here is so authentic.

Winter lunch.

'The hair in the soup provides fiber.'

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

"The reason your meringue is crushed is because I distinctly heard you tell me to 'Step on it'."

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

Restaurant - featuring large amounts of bad food.