Satirical Food Lover Gifts

'I think a lot of adults are overweight because they put ALL the food in their mouths.'

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

In case of emergency break bread.

"And what are the two wonderful gourmet delights you're serving up today...my good man?"

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Filet minion

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Better Not Squash.

Cooking with Pierre

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

'He's cured.'

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

'This is quite common. You've eaten so many sausages that you've turned into one.'

'Spaghetti dinner. Hold the garlic bread.'