Humorist Food Lover Gifts

Cooking with Pierre

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Better Not Squash.

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Cat eats date.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!