Humorist Food Lover Gifts

Cooking with Pierre

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Garlic Free Zone.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Cat eats date.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Better Not Squash.

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'