Foodie Satirist Gifts

'Some people get a placebo meal - inferior, less nutritious ingredients.'

". . . Artificial flavoring, synthesized fruit, imitation chocolate bits, and the box is simulated cardboard."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup