Foodie Satirist Gifts

'Some people get a placebo meal - inferior, less nutritious ingredients.'

Deliveroo - Truck driver shortage

". . . Artificial flavoring, synthesized fruit, imitation chocolate bits, and the box is simulated cardboard."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

Garlic Free Zone.

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'