Food Satirists Gifts

'Ill have the salad. But could I have it made out of chocolate?'

1990's themed restaurant - 'Twizzlers'.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Garlic Free Zone.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Cat eats date.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Man with a pizza in 'Lover's Lane.'

"I just explained 'kugel' to him."

"Cut down on the pumpkin spice."