Foodie Satire Gifts

'It's a new, high-protein substitute for soybean paste. It's made of steak.'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

'Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!' 'That's not soup! It's gumbo.'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

Beef Stew.

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Oh boy, my favourite: Cheese Fondue...'

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"I'll have the duck Poussin."

'You're eating all the wrong food.'

''Catch of the day' is anyone who tries to leave without paying.'

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"How was the food sir?"

'A medium pizza, please...with anchovies on just one side!'

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

'I hope it's a taste test. There are no right or wrong answers on a taste test.'

'I can see... two all beef paddies, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'It happens every time I eat bacon - I immediately develop this large rasher on my chest, doc.'

Watching health food cooking shows makes me hungry. Let's go grab some fast food.

'The diet plate is just like the regular plate, M'sieur, except that you have to eat it through a tennis racquet.'

Obese kid in nursery.

"I think we need one that shows the oldest food in the country."

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

Food left unattended will be eaten by waiter.

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

"Will you be dining a la carte or heading straight over to the trough?"