Foodie Satire Enthusiast Gifts

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Lockdown casserole

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Beef Stew.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

Murderous Chef

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

"May your year be pear-fect."

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Be aware of what your food is up to: protect yourself against snack attacks.

The Trace Adkins Diet

Waitrose Vegan Burgers

'Why do they let us see things like that?'

Where 'Stewed Tomatoes' come from.

Suicidal Sheep: '101 Ways with Mint Sauce.'

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

'This the plan...we will make the clients think that there is a contest, and the winner will be the first one who finds a finger in the soup.'