Satire Loving Foodie Gifts

'Bute-iful!'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Better Not Squash.

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'No, you can't complain to the waiter about the vegetables floating in your soup. It's vegetable soup!'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

"May your year be pear-fect."

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Isaac Newton Discovers Gravlax

'Why do they let us see things like that?'

"The Normans are coming and I can't decide on whether to pour a simple consomme on them, or a more complex bisque."

"It's not my fault he keeps forgetting to bring food to the potlucks."

The sea salt here is so authentic.

'Do you do the squished up little balls that taste of fish - or are you the wrong ethnicity?'

"....My wife and I are strict humanitarians."

'The hair in the soup provides fiber.'

Winter lunch.

Waitrose Vegan Burgers

Kebab doner card

"The reason your meringue is crushed is because I distinctly heard you tell me to 'Step on it'."

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

Restaurant - featuring large amounts of bad food.

Butchers playing draughts with black and white puddings

Mum's home cooked meals - vending machine.