Foodie Satire Lover Gifts

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Beef Stew.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

"May your year be pear-fect."

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

Waitrose Vegan Burgers

'Why do they let us see things like that?'

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

'And the winner for best supporting animal in a frozen ready meal goes to...'

Kebab doner card

Isaac Newton Discovers Gravlax

Restaurant - featuring large amounts of bad food.

Mad cow disease spreads to other ranches

Scientific research (whaling).

'Eat your lunch.' 'No, it's toxic waste.'

Welcome to 'The Really Cheap Gourmet.' First, go next door and borrow a lobster...

"And what are the two wonderful gourmet delights you're serving up today...my good man?"

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.

No double cheese without a note from your cardiologist

'It's a new, high-protein substitute for soybean paste. It's made of steak.'

'What do you expect! They fed mt all -beef hotdogs, Charlie! All beef hotdogs!'