Sardonic Vacationer Gifts

Atomic Test Site Island

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"I said isn't it great to get away from it all."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"He's So Your Type."

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

Special Place in Hell...

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"We'll see you soon, kids! Your mother and I have won a romantic cruise for two on some man's huge ark."

'It'll be a working vacation.'

Hiker and the Rodents.

'You may experience some discomfort.'

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

'Don't be so velodramatic!'

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

'It couldn't be much fresher ,sir - didn't you see it wink at you ?'

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

"Look Marj, decalf."

Sign pointing to the beach and in the direction of mobile phones.

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'

'The world will remember me when I'm gone...at least, that considerable part I owe money to.'

'Science shows cats love you!'

"Tabarnak!"

Just In - Untreated Sewage Blobs

Wow, what's the SPF on this stuff?

"Oh sod it I'll walk."

"Acid burns to the lips, sea-water in the lungs, a bullet hole to the right temple...it all points to a love of life."

"They didn't tell us this blues cruise actually gives you the blues."

"When you die do you want to be cremated or buried?"

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

Disadvantages of having a parking meter for a friend...

I'm sure if I moved to a fresh water environment, my hypertension would abate.