Sardonic Fun Seekers Gifts

'It couldn't be much fresher ,sir - didn't you see it wink at you ?'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"He's So Your Type."

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Man falls off perch

T.S. Eliot calendar.

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

'You may experience some discomfort.'

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

"You never see a fish down here. I wonder if they know something we don't know."

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

"My psychiatrist advised me to pay taxes quarterly. That way my seething resentment is spread evenly over a year."

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

"No, it's not a foreclosure. It's my 'Going out of business sale!' Everything must go!"

'When I was hired, the boss asked if I could handle a job with lots of accountability, and like an idiot, I said 'Yes!''

'You're obese.'

'Oh, we're just watching a soap opera, I mean waiting for a call.'

"This next song is for everyone who has ever been incarcerated."

Monkeypox and War

Congratulations

Disadvantages of having a parking meter for a friend...

"But attendance is up."

'As long as they're being fished to extinction, we might as well be the ones to do it.'

"More champagne, please, sweetie. . . and thanks. . . !"

"Oh sod it I'll walk."

"People extra suck"