Sardonic Smile Seekers Gifts

"This can't be the road to Hell, it isn't paved!"

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Da Vinci painting a grumpy version of Mona Lisa.

Then, after 3.7 million years...something funny happened.

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"I think what I love most is the smile on her face as she feeds me!"

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'Why am I such a grouch?'

"He's So Your Type."

"As a dental hygienist, the first thing I noticed was your smile."

'Rita, I've seen several people smiling today. Find out what that's all about.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Man falls off perch

Lenny the Cadaver dog had one heck of a story to tell the boys at the k-9 training...

Obama.

'According to our research they were a happy people.'

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

Leonardo Da Vinci tries to make the Mona Lisa smile.

"ME!!!"

The Leap of Faith Taken by Alzheimer's Caregivers

Good news - we've found your car.

'My life is a joke.'

'He's smiling! -- You must have given him the wrong food!'

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

"Why can't David Blaine just stick himself somewhere and not involve he rest of us?"

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

"OMG! They're eating noses!"

'And it's a photo finish!'

'Dear Sir. Not much a letter, is it?'

'-and who's next?'

An angry crossbow and a happy crossbow.