Sardonic Explorers Gifts

Survivalist Training Camp.

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

Special Place in Hell...

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

'Don't be so velodramatic!'

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

'It couldn't be much fresher ,sir - didn't you see it wink at you ?'

'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'

"Forget the meaning of life, go get me a chirpractor."

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'

'The world will remember me when I'm gone...at least, that considerable part I owe money to.'

'Science shows cats love you!'

'The little woman hide the remote control, and I've lost ten pounds looking for it!'

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Someone with peanuts."

"Acid burns to the lips, sea-water in the lungs, a bullet hole to the right temple...it all points to a love of life."

"Oh sod it I'll walk."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"When you die do you want to be cremated or buried?"

Disadvantages of having a parking meter for a friend...

I'm sure if I moved to a fresh water environment, my hypertension would abate.

"When is this sexual fantasy going to get interesting, Brad?"

Welcome to hell. A lose-lose situation.

Kurt Vonnegut.

'I just invented the wheel and traffic congestion.'

Next hero

"I was almost like Robin Hood. I took from the rich, but then I kept it."

'I don't know why she jumped. She was always so full of life.'

"And I said, 'I'm tired of you asking me what I'm thinking' and heeeeeer we are."

'The airport security people who will be viewing you are in a soundproof booth...'

'My ex husband's last heart attack.'

"Yes, your report is three pages. But, what concerns me is that your font size is 80."

Some People Who Take Drugs Are Real Cool.