Sardonic Fun Seekers Pillows

'It couldn't be much fresher ,sir - didn't you see it wink at you ?'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"He's So Your Type."

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Man falls off perch

T.S. Eliot calendar.

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

"You never see a fish down here. I wonder if they know something we don't know."

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

'You may experience some discomfort.'

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

Slim-quik liquid diet box floats up to man stranded on a desert island.

"My psychiatrist advised me to pay taxes quarterly. That way my seething resentment is spread evenly over a year."

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

"No, it's not a foreclosure. It's my 'Going out of business sale!' Everything must go!"

'When I was hired, the boss asked if I could handle a job with lots of accountability, and like an idiot, I said 'Yes!''

'You're obese.'

'Oh, we're just watching a soap opera, I mean waiting for a call.'

Monkeypox and War

"People extra suck"

"Oh sod it I'll walk."

"But attendance is up."

Congratulations

'As long as they're being fished to extinction, we might as well be the ones to do it.'

Disadvantages of having a parking meter for a friend...

"More champagne, please, sweetie. . . and thanks. . . !"

"This next song is for everyone who has ever been incarcerated."