Sardonic Vacationer T-Shirts

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"I said isn't it great to get away from it all."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"He's So Your Type."

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

Special Place in Hell...

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"We'll see you soon, kids! Your mother and I have won a romantic cruise for two on some man's huge ark."

'It'll be a working vacation.'

Hiker and the Rodents.

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

'Don't be so velodramatic!'

'You may experience some discomfort.'

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"Look Marj, decalf."

'It couldn't be much fresher ,sir - didn't you see it wink at you ?'

Sign pointing to the beach and in the direction of mobile phones.

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'

'The world will remember me when I'm gone...at least, that considerable part I owe money to.'

Just In - Untreated Sewage Blobs

"Tabarnak!"

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

"When you die do you want to be cremated or buried?"

"Acid burns to the lips, sea-water in the lungs, a bullet hole to the right temple...it all points to a love of life."

Disadvantages of having a parking meter for a friend...

"Oh sod it I'll walk."

I'm sure if I moved to a fresh water environment, my hypertension would abate.

'We had an all-inclusive-holiday. Bad weather, lousy food, arrogant waiters, crappy hotel and outrageous prices - all that was included.'