Sardonic Cyclist T-Shirts

'Don't be so velodramatic!'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"He's So Your Type."

Targets

"Everybody out of the water! Lawyer!"

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

Special Place in Hell...

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

Good news - we've found your car.

"When the boss said he could replace me with a trained monkey, I replied, prove it! Me and my big mouth."

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"Look Marj, decalf."

'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'

"Forget the meaning of life, go get me a chirpractor."

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'

'The world will remember me when I'm gone...at least, that considerable part I owe money to.'

"It's not garden decking. The wind blew the fence down last night."

Self-serve island

The Devil's Advocat

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

Man Gives Death the Finger.

"When you die do you want to be cremated or buried?"

"Oh sod it I'll walk."