Sardonic Fashionista T-Shirts

"Look Marj, decalf."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"He's So Your Type."

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Targets

Man falls off perch

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

T.S. Eliot calendar.

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

Special Place in Hell...

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

'My life is a joke.'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'Don't be so velodramatic!'

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

'Ok...I was wrong. Things can get worse.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"