Sarcastic Spouses Pillows

"I should've done this years ago. All the good ones got taken."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

Didn't we fire you last week?

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'Tap water?! As if.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

Oh, for Pete's sake take some this medicine. You're useless, but at least it will make your COUGH more productive!

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

'It seems that my advice wasn't the only thing he could do without.'

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

"Thanks for your meaningful application. When can you start?"

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

"So, we've processed your loan application and I'm afraid that it doesn't look too promising!"

'I let Ed sleep through these meetings. His snoring keeps the others awake.'