Sarcastic Swinger Pillows

'Honey! Come quick! I just putted four balls into the jelly jar with my new grip!'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Golfing Bishop.

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

'If you can't beat 'em join 'em.'

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

"How about fashionably never?"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

Double your salary - Xerox your paycheck.

"I should've done this years ago. All the good ones got taken."

'Teamwork is just a chance to blame someone else!'

Oh, for Pete's sake take some this medicine. You're useless, but at least it will make your COUGH more productive!

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'