Sarcastic Socialite Pillows

'You have to get out more and meet new people you can find fault with.'

Anti-social networking

The transparent safe box of Panama

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

"White Collar Prison"

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'You always wanted a larger office with a view.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

"If you need me, I’ll be in the living room clawing the bejesus out of that Navajo rug you just picked up at auction."

Home Sweet Mortgage (worth more than the house).

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

Didn't we fire you last week?

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"I keep telling her she should do something with her stupid little online pieces."

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

Men Not Working.

"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

'That's four million, one hundred and eighty straight misses, Mr Fenson. Your shooting has gone all to hell.'

"We're in the city now, Bob—stop making eye contact with everyone."

It's too cold...the boss is a jerk...my feet hurt.

Hello- I'm a Wreck.

Hang In There, Baby!

Did you know that 3 to 4 glasses of wine a day can reduce your risk of giving a s**t. . . but you'll pee a lot more.

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'I let Ed sleep through these meetings. His snoring keeps the others awake.'