Sarcastic Social Commentator Pillows

'There's a fifteen minute wait for people we like, and a forty five minute wait for people like you.'

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

'So that's all there is to it! Just remember to always look busy, the boss likes to drop in unexpectedly sometimes!'

Cellphone Mania.

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

The transparent safe box of Panama

Exciting potato bugs.

"My tweet about not caring about what is trending is now trending."

Redhead

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"White Collar Prison"

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"Whoes jumping? My secretary enforces a strict 'No Smoking' policy"

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

Men Not Working.

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"