Sarcastic Commentator Pillows

'No, I'm not going to stop back when you have an opinion.'

"The suggestions are supposed to go in the box."

Management asks Ted Bisbee's co-workers if he deserves a raise.

"Oh my, your fever's way down."

'You never notice a thing I do around here.'

"Next month's book choice is Violet's - and I speak for everyone when I dread to say what I think it might be!"

"They're pretty strict about smoking here."

'Morgue - Welcome to the chill-out room.'

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

"He's been called Canada's Warren Buffett? That's like 7-Up being called America's Dom Perignon."

'How is your salmon dear?'

'The digital age'

Big Brother.

"I'm sorry to tell you, that after your operation your wallet will never be the same!"

"My boss sent my job overseas, and my wife left me for an illegal alien!"

'It's work, I can't help thinking there's someone following me. Monitoring everything I do.'

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"That tire really put up a good fight, didn't it?"

"He's not in it for the money. He just likes lying to strangers."

"DON'T JUMP! But if you do, can I have your chair?"

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

'Like it'll do any good.'

"The reception on this phone is terrible. They heard me fine, but didn't like what I was saying."

"Another pic? You know it's the same food every [censored] day, right?"

"I take it from your feedback the **** ** ** **** anger management course wasn't quite as helpful as it might have been!"

"Med school was a blast."

'Forsake all others-WHAT others?'

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"If you don't have anything nice to say, say it on the internet."

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."