Sarcastic Pundit Pillows

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'The meek won't inherit the earth, just the national debt.'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

The transparent safe box of Panama

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

Redhead

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"White Collar Prison"

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

They stole your identity, but after seeing your credit score, they gave it back.

"How about fashionably never?"