Satirical Pundit Pillows

"The pound is reaching parity with Liz Truss."

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

'I was looking for something more Condi Rice than Donald Rumsfeld.'

Introspect: The Only 100% Self-Absorbed Paper Towel!

"In view of climate change, I'd put all my money into ice cream, mineral water and weapons!"

Universal Credits Computer: Kaput

"Only three out of 16 million people may die from the side effects of this vaccine. My Jack was one of them."

"These are my 'Nebraska attack poodles'. They don't bark, they don't bite, they just do exactly what they're told. . ."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

In the Guru District

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

CEO du Jour

Difference of Opinion

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

Where does it all end up?

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

"Whoever made Keir Starmer did a sound professional job."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Obama Healthcare.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"As I see it, 'Crazy politics' - like not voting on a supreme court nominee - is better than a complete government shutdown."

'It's cheaper than gas.'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Display of political memoirs books categorized as: 'Non-fiction,' 'Fiction,' and 'Pure Fantasy'.

Budget

"I think the teacher who says that I got into trouble today is part of the fake news conspiracy."

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'