Sarcastic Pundit Gifts

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

Just Kidding

'The meek won't inherit the earth, just the national debt.'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

The transparent safe box of Panama

Exciting potato bugs.

Redhead

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"White Collar Prison"

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

"Can't you just troll me?"

'If you can't beat 'em join 'em.'

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"