Sarcastic Commentary Gifts

"Howard's like his old lawnmower when it comes to spring cleaning - he's hard to start, not too sharp, and backfires a lot."

The First Fire Stick

The transparent safe box of Panama

Redhead

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

"White Collar Prison"

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'He lost his whistle,'

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"The end of my patience is near!"

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

Men Not Working.

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."