Sarcastic Commentary Gifts

"Howard's like his old lawnmower when it comes to spring cleaning - he's hard to start, not too sharp, and backfires a lot."

The First Fire Stick

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

The transparent safe box of Panama

Exciting potato bugs.

Redhead

"White Collar Prison"

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

Men Not Working.

"The end of my patience is near!"

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."