Sarcastic Critic Gifts

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"What do I recommend? Get your coats and go to the restaurant across the road!"

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

The First Fire Stick

The transparent safe box of Panama

Exciting potato bugs.

Redhead

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

"White Collar Prison"

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Would you like to see today's liquidized menu?"

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'He lost his whistle,'

'It looks like blood, tastes like Ribena, I just hope it gets me drunk,'

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

"I'm not sure what to watch...'Enterprise' or 'Sabado Gigante.'"

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

"The end of my patience is near!"

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."