Sarcastic Reviewer Gifts

I am delighted to add my heartfelt comments ton my stay at this exceptional hotel - indeed I wish I had a better command of language - 'Absolutely disgusting' just isn't strong enough!

The transparent safe box of Panama

"White Collar Prison"

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"The end of my patience is near!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

The End is Near...You Wish.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."

'Like it'll do any good.'

"Why can I only cross 'right' or 'wrong'? What about 'I don't care', 'I don't give a damn' or 'How should I know'?"

Big Brother.

"Med school was a blast."

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

'So that's all there is to it! Just remember to always look busy, the boss likes to drop in unexpectedly sometimes!'

"Ms. Johnson, bring in your steno pad. Also, a new keg."

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."

"Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe."