Sarcastic Reviewer Pillows

I am delighted to add my heartfelt comments ton my stay at this exceptional hotel - indeed I wish I had a better command of language - 'Absolutely disgusting' just isn't strong enough!

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

The transparent safe box of Panama

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"White Collar Prison"

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"The end of my patience is near!"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

The End is Near...You Wish.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."

'Like it'll do any good.'

"Why can I only cross 'right' or 'wrong'? What about 'I don't care', 'I don't give a damn' or 'How should I know'?"

"Med school was a blast."

Big Brother.

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."

"Ms. Johnson, bring in your steno pad. Also, a new keg."

'So that's all there is to it! Just remember to always look busy, the boss likes to drop in unexpectedly sometimes!'

"You didn't tip the paper boy."