Sarcastic Viewer Pillows

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

The First Fire Stick

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"Take one three times a day and come back in 43 years."

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

"The end of my patience is near!"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

The End is Near...You Wish.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

Big Brother.

'Like it'll do any good.'

"Why can I only cross 'right' or 'wrong'? What about 'I don't care', 'I don't give a damn' or 'How should I know'?"

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."

"Dad, I'm nearly eighteen. I'm old enough to get divorce if I want"

"Med school was a blast."