Sarcastic Sightseer Pillows

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

"Send them in for their Christmas bonuses."

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

"They don't call it 'The Boulevard of Broken Dreams' for nothing, kid."

'You have no new messages in your mailbox.'

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

Signs you're becoming annoying on a really, really long road trip.

'Don't worry. I have no intention of drinking the water.'

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

"Why didn't you bring a cardigan or lightweight jacket?"

"Don't blame me, the tourist brochure says it's one of the World's great spectacles."

Woman on Subway's Thoughts

'You're a decent chap, Holdsworth.'

Airline luggage return: 'Next time, send my luggage to Paris, Texas, and me, to Paris France'

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

"If I step back a little, that should fix it."

'We had an all-inclusive-holiday. Bad weather, lousy food, arrogant waiters, crappy hotel and outrageous prices - all that was included.'

'He says does anyone know how to fit a skimming device?'

'It's an exclusive property sir. This is the only one with a price small enough to fit on the wall!'

"At 10 meters high, this promontory is the highest point in the country. I would say it serves as a perfect symbol of our nation's lack of achievements."

"Hello, Miss Brophy? How are my dot.com shares doing at the moment?"

"Wrap it up, sir. Schadenfreude visiting hours are almost over."

'Fine, thank you. And how are you?'

"This place looks fun!"

Man sees two water towers, one for 'Hot', one for 'Cold'

"Who'd you say you booked this vacation through? Did you EVEN read the reviews?!"