Sarcastic Observer Pillows

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'This prescription may not work, but the side effects should take your mind off your pain.'

Mindless, inane chit-chat only.

Such a Coincidence

"Right, I'm off to join the queue at the post office."

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

'He says does anyone know how to fit a skimming device?'

"If I step back a little, that should fix it."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"...it was believed that anyone who displeased it would meet with a terrible fate, which of course is complete nonsen..."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"Let's demonstrate our corporate values of diversity and inclusion and listen to some of Brian's stupid ideas."

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"The end of my patience is near!"

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

The End is Near...You Wish.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."

"Med school was a blast."

'Like it'll do any good.'

Big Brother.