Sarcastic Observer Pillows

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'This prescription may not work, but the side effects should take your mind off your pain.'

"Right, I'm off to join the queue at the post office."

"I know, same here. Angsting about the Zeitgeist like there is no tomorrow."

'He says does anyone know how to fit a skimming device?'

"If I step back a little, that should fix it."

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

"The end of my patience is near!"

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

The End is Near...You Wish.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."

Big Brother.

'Like it'll do any good.'

"Med school was a blast."

"Where do you see yourself in five years and what are you doing now to avoid it?"

"Why can I only cross 'right' or 'wrong'? What about 'I don't care', 'I don't give a damn' or 'How should I know'?"

"You know, anyone who wishes he had a remote control for his exercise equipment is missing the idea of exercise equipment."

"Friends are like trees. They fall down if you hit them with an axe."

"You didn't tip the paper boy."

"My boss combines the impulsive joie de vivre of Ebenezer Scrooge with the empathy and comradeship of a tarantula. Less hair, though."