Sarcastic Comment Maker Pillows

Redhead

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

"True, it is 'organic.' It's also a dead squirrel!"

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"I'm not worried about identity theft. Who'd want to be me?"

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'He lost his whistle,'

"No, I don't wanna read your damn blog."

"... and God bless my mom and her courage to call this food."

"Hey, Gary. Lois wanted to know if you’re up for waiting forever for reheated leftovers and sipping warm mimosas intended to ease the pain of poor service amid a cacophony of idiot tourists and 20-year-olds... you know, brunch."

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

"I want you to drink more beer, eat more fatty foods and take less exercise."

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

"Hey, if we're getting laid off, it's every man for himself!"

"I see that there's an excellent sale on diddly-squat at the Zilchtown Mall in Nowheresville, New Jersey."

"Don't look at me. I'm just the gay friend."

'Oh he's sporty all right - he can be up and down on his stairlift in under ten minutes'

"You think you have the boss from hell?!"

"Mine has a terrible battery life."

"It's a 'get worse soon card' from your ex wife."

Men Not Working.

"Oh, please, do tell me what Warren Buffett has to say about adding bleach to delicates."

'Like it'll do any good.'

Big Brother.

"Boss, if you could be any superhero, which one would it be?" "Insurance-Adjuster-Man." "In a world where superheroes were real, there'd be an awful lot of collateral damage to buildings and infrastructure." "Insurance-Adjuster-Man would probably clear six figures by breakfast." "'Heroes' aren't in it for the money." "Of course they are. Take Lex Luthor, for instance..."