Sarcastic Couples Pillows

"He thinks I'm a good cook in the same way I think he's good in bed."

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

"You'll do."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

'Tap water?! As if.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

You know, I'll always think of the song that's on the Juke box right now as

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I should've done this years ago. All the good ones got taken."

"Thanks for your meaningful application. When can you start?"

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'It seems that my advice wasn't the only thing he could do without.'

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

Oh, for Pete's sake take some this medicine. You're useless, but at least it will make your COUGH more productive!

"I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death."

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

"So, we've processed your loan application and I'm afraid that it doesn't look too promising!"

'Of course you always offer 'concrete solutions.' Your head is full of cement.'

"I've been praying for an excuse not to go Christmas shopping."

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

Weight loss programme.

"I'm weaning Bob from the TV. That's a placebo remote."

"I'm at my wits end."

You said it was "take your child to work" day. You didn't say anything about bringing him back.

"A dry heat - no problem. But this humidity."

I wandered lonely as a cloud in the shape of an insufferable jerk no one could stand to be around.