Sarcastic Couples Pillows

"He thinks I'm a good cook in the same way I think he's good in bed."

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

"Well, here he is. He just grew on me until I couldn't stand it anymore."

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"You'll do."

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

"Just say the word and I'll love you."

'Tap water?! As if.'

'Oh stop complaining, if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!'

"We have met today because you, Cynthia, and you, Kevin, now want to look together for a scapegoat to blame for your stupidity, your laziness, your total failure, and for your antisocial behaviour."

"I should've done this years ago. All the good ones got taken."

"It's okay mate, I only need the cork from your bottle."

"Thanks for your meaningful application. When can you start?"

'It seems that my advice wasn't the only thing he could do without.'

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

Oh, for Pete's sake take some this medicine. You're useless, but at least it will make your COUGH more productive!

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

"So, we've processed your loan application and I'm afraid that it doesn't look too promising!"

'Of course you always offer 'concrete solutions.' Your head is full of cement.'

"I've been praying for an excuse not to go Christmas shopping."

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

"I'm at my wits end."

'We lost six nil!. . . and we were lucky to get the nil!'

"I'm weaning Bob from the TV. That's a placebo remote."

"A dry heat - no problem. But this humidity."

I wandered lonely as a cloud in the shape of an insufferable jerk no one could stand to be around.

"No, I didn't fake it last night. I really was asleep"