Sales Humor Fan Gifts

Man asking why the lamp in the picture doesn't come with the bicycle

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

Personally, I always had a feeling we'd land on our feet.

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

"I got it in the sales."

'hold the blog - I got a bargain in the sales'

"The floor is open for suggestions."

'Look, if we're going to make this business work, we need to stop eating all the stock.'

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

'Cats. They want in, they go over the numbers, they want out.'

"My plan moving forward involves fire and Brazilian passports."

"Times are challenging so all our staff have to multitask."

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

'You can't fool all of the people all of the time...not on our advertising budget.'

Businessman to other: 'These numbers don't look too pretty. Any way you can run them through Photoshop?'

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

What people say in meetings: Bull/S**t

"Hear no evil? See no evil? Speak no evil? You're all hired!"

'With my new phone I can lie out of both side of my mouth 24/7.'

"An iceberg the size of Connecticut broke off from Antarctica? How do the taxes compare?"

"The forty thousand dollars includes a rear view mirror!"

The speech is ethical. One source is plagiarism, two is research.

As your CEO, I think you'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new hands on approach.

'This convention lacks just one thing...name tags.'

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

'Ironically, despite our exponential growth, we have to downsize...'