Humor In Sales Gifts

"The forty thousand dollars includes a rear view mirror!"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

"Here we mark our data points, but the real fun is connecting the dots!"

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'Gentlemen we need more growth.'

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"We couldn't give you a bigger office, so we shrunk everything down to make it appear bigger."

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

"It's not a real company, it's a shell company."

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

Bob's DIY Store

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."