Sales Analyst Humorist Gifts

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Any questions?"

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Satya Nutella

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'We have what might be a very good idea...'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'I'm sorry, Henderson - But profits are down and we have to make sacrifices.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

'We want you to get us into the international honey market.'

"I see the downsizing continues."

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.