Humor In Sales Prints

"The forty thousand dollars includes a rear view mirror!"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

"Here we mark our data points, but the real fun is connecting the dots!"

'Gentlemen we need more growth.'

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"No, no, your job's not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We're just firing you."

Tell me, how do you fit into the scheme of things here?

"It's not a real company, it's a shell company."

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

C'mon, Bob, the associate chases the manager's tail, the manager chases the VP's tail, and the VP chases my tail for me – You know how this works.

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

"We couldn't give you a bigger office, so we shrunk everything down to make it appear bigger."

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

Bob's DIY Store