Sales Humor Fan Prints

Man asking why the lamp in the picture doesn't come with the bicycle

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

Personally, I always had a feeling we'd land on our feet.

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

"It's not downsizing—it's just that we have 976 employees who have chosen to spend more time with their families."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

'hold the blog - I got a bargain in the sales'

"I got it in the sales."

"The floor is open for suggestions."

'Look, if we're going to make this business work, we need to stop eating all the stock.'

'You can't fool all of the people all of the time...not on our advertising budget.'

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

"Times are challenging so all our staff have to multitask."

'Cats. They want in, they go over the numbers, they want out.'

A good executive is known by the company he keeps solvent.

Businessman to other: 'These numbers don't look too pretty. Any way you can run them through Photoshop?'

Cufflinks + Handcuffs = Embezzlement

What people say in meetings: Bull/S**t

The speech is ethical. One source is plagiarism, two is research.

"The forty thousand dollars includes a rear view mirror!"

"Hear no evil? See no evil? Speak no evil? You're all hired!"

"An iceberg the size of Connecticut broke off from Antarctica? How do the taxes compare?"

As your CEO, I think you'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new hands on approach.

'With my new phone I can lie out of both side of my mouth 24/7.'

'This convention lacks just one thing...name tags.'

'All those opposed, signify by using the usual sign.'

'What gives you the idea we're on a sinking ship?'