Sales Satire Fans Gifts

"No, that's not a typo. This baby actually gets eight gallons per mile."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

End the Winter Blues

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

Scapegoat of the Year

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"It's a swearbox."

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

"While we're on the subject of earnings, does anyone have a clever metaphor using the word, 'toilet'?"

"You calm down."

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

Greed.

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.