Sales Satire Fans Gifts

"No, that's not a typo. This baby actually gets eight gallons per mile."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

End the Winter Blues

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"He'll do anything to say in power."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"You calm down."

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

"It's a swearbox."

Scapegoat of the Year

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Told you...Nonsense compulsive disorder.

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Stoneage business ethics: 'But, hey, this 'ethics' stuff isn't carved in stone!'

Greed.

"Already sold your soul to the company? Listen, I'll have my people talk to their people."

"Gentlemen, may I present our company's future. A buggy whip... with Bluetooth!"

'You'll never succeed until the kissing up becomes instinctual.'

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.