Salesmanship Satirists Gifts

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

"Thank you, Harris - I get the picture."

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Cold caller.

"The forty thousand dollars includes a rear view mirror!"

"This is like the time you had me sell water as a 'diet drink'."

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

"We don't build the toys anymore. We just order them from our factories overseas."

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

Human flesh consumption up 200%. Well done, Wilkins.

CEO Incentives

'Corporations hijack government... details whenever we run out of commercials.'

Man asking why the lamp in the picture doesn't come with the bicycle

"If we new this was going to happen we could have arranged some great TV sponsorship deals."

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'We laid off too many people. Our only real revenue came from the employee parking lot.'

'All in favor of stabbing our way through our disgruntled employees say aye.'

'... And I don't like the way you talk about corporate greed as though it's a bad thing!'

Time, temperature, and corporate ethics readings.

'We're projecting growth in the third year, but unfortunately, we'll be out of business by then.'

'We anticipate anticipated profits.'

"We still offer executives the Golden Parachute, but now it's a real thing in case stockholders storm the 59th floor."