Salesmanship Gifts

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

Horse dealer trying to sell an unfit horse by suggesting that it will keep improving

The undisputed king of stepladder salesman.

"It's obviously very fond of you, sir!"

"This one's got two trilobites of memory!"

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'Heaven forbid you need them, but this model's air bags are breast shaped.'

"As the saying goes: 'Don't bite the hand that feeds you.' As the salesman's saying goes: 'Don't laugh about the hand that gave you way too much for your lousy product as long as the hands' owner can hear you'."

Door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman sees sign on door of house stating: Beware of Wife.

"I'm such a good salesman I could sell underarm deodorant to the Venus de Milo."

Net Etiquette

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Larry's used art

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."