Saintly Scholar Gifts

'I like the hat.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.

Wikipedia...

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Have you been working out?"

"Must be another paradigm shift."

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'Read that last part back to me.'

'Those are the Divinity students.'

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

The ten ammendments

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Can you just send the digital copy?'

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'