Scholastic Scholar Gifts

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

William Shakespeare a.k.a. Francis Bacon, Earl of Essex....

Schrodinger's Black Box

'I asked Will if he wrote it. He said he wasn't sure.'

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

K9 Literati

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Wikipedia...

"Must be another paradigm shift."

"Have you been working out?"

'Read that last part back to me.'

'Those are the Divinity students.'

Situation Tragedy.

Some Hamlet-based puns

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

"Young Montague's full of himself."

Romans.

'Thirty years in academia and all I got was this chair.'

Disraeli Hopes for Church Backing against Irish Disestablishment

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Mr Newton, we have carefully reviewed your work in alchemy and have come to one conclusion: stick to physics.'

Petrarch

"If history has taught us anything, it's taught us that there have been a ridiculous number of books written about history."

Brain Power

''Et cetera' implies that you know much more than you really do. . .'

Lowbrow Lolita

Francois Rabelais